Tesla's Dirty Little Secret
Investors just let the cat out of the bag.
What makes something valuable? I have a little jade plant on my desk. Most people would forget to water it and let it shrivel into oblivion, but I would happily crawl through a house fire to save it. It was grown from a clipping of my grandma’s favourite plant, and it’s one of the only things I have to remember her by. You see, the value you place on something, especially when that value makes zero sense, inherently unveils a hidden truth. Why am I talking about my house plants? Well, Musk was so busy destroying the most powerful government on the planet that he accidentally let the Tesla board escape from his basement. He was able to round them up before they could find a new subject for their Stockholm Syndrome, but not before the world found out they were intending on replacing Musk. In the aftermath of this shocking event, major Tesla investors were forced to explain the value they place on Musk, and in the process, have given the whole game away.
Tesla has been dying for years now due to Musk’s questionable leadership, but recently Musk committed the equivalent act of ripping out a life support machine’s power cord so he could charge his phone and tweet (Xeet?) some heinous Nazi-adjacent slop.
I could ramble on ad nauseam about how Musk’s ego caused Tesla to massively misstep with the Cybertruck, FSD, the Cybercab and the 4680 battery — asI have done many times in the past. But, suffice to say, Musk has forced Tesla to squander their market lead and spend tens of billions of dollars and years of valuable time chasing his half-baked, moronic, and frequently impossible ideas. Meanwhile, the rest of the automotive industry was busy actually innovating and making real, tangible progress based on real-world results, not the imagination of a drugged-up, out-of-touch billionaire.
That is why Tesla’s lineup is so stagnant. Why they no longer offer the best value EVs. Why they aren’t a leader in battery technology. Why FSD is so fundamentally dangerous. Why the Cybertruck makes no sense at all. Why the Cybercab is so far behind in the self-driving race. And most importantly, why Tesla is rapidly becoming an also-ran.
What Tesla needed was rejuvenation. Something to get its momentum back up, deliver real results, and keep itself ahead of the competition. Otherwise, its monumental growth would fizzle out or even collapse. So what did Musk do? He publicly associated the company with one of the most radical right-wing, fascistic governments that the US has ever seen, and, unsurprisingly, Tesla’s predominantly left-wing customers haven’t so much as boycotted Teslas;they more projectile vomit with disgust at even the sight of them.
Naturally, global sales have dropped by 13%, profits are down 71%, and if the share price drops accordingly, the company could face negative equity and functional bankruptcy (read more here). However, sales are still rapidly dropping, with some EU countries posting figures 80% lower than last year. So, while Tesla’s value has plummeted more than 50% in just a few months due to Musk, it is set to fall significantly further in the coming year.
It is now impossible not to conclude that Musk is killing Tesla and has been for some time now.
That is why it made so much sense when reports began circulating that the Tesla board was looking to oust Musk. If you were in their shoes, you would want to kick him out too!
This is where the big institutional investors in Tesla faced a dilemma. Do they support the reports and insist Musk should leave, or do they back Musk? In other words, which do they value more: Musk or Tesla?
Almost all of them opted for Musk and backed him as CEO, which makes no sense! Just like Diddy admitting he owned enough baby oil to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool, these investors inadvertently gave their own game away. It is their ‘running into a burning building to save a houseplant’ moment. So, how do they justify their decision? What hidden truth have they let slip?
Well, one of these Tesla bulls, Gary Black, publicly stated that if Musk stepped down, Tesla’s stock could fall by 20% to 25%, wiping out nearly $220 billion in shareholder value. He wasn’t alone in this statement, with hordes of other major investors echoing his sentiment.
Which is odd when you think about it. That doesn’t actually rebut any of the reasons Musk should be replaced. Really, they should explain how Musk specifically can solve the issues with the Cybertruck, FSD and the Cybercab or give evidence of his unique and helpful leadership. They could have said that Musk’s proximity to Trump gives Tesla an enormous sway in EV and self-driving regulations or that he is excellent at marketing Tesla, which would justify that $220 billion value. But those are demonstrably false statements, as deregulating self-driving cars won’t make FSD any better or safer, Musk doesn’t have that level of sway with Trump, and Tesla sales and share prices have fallen at unprecedented levels because of him. The fact of the matter is these investors couldn’t find any justifiable or logical reason to keep Musk around. Instead, they have merely noted that he adds value to the company, without actually explaining where this value comes from.
This is the profound truth, the dirty secret they have let slip. These investors don’t value Musk’s ketamine- and Nazi propaganda-soaked brain, his demonstrably counterproductive leadership abilities, his moronic ideas, or even his silver tongue. They are admitting they have heavily invested in the emperor’s clothes. They are running into a burning building where they defend fascists and back Tesla, for nothing more than fictional non-existent value. If you have ever wondered why Musk, his tech-bro supporters, and his investors are drawn to Trump, this is why. They need the hyperreal post-truth world to simply survive. Reality, logic, and reason threaten the Musk myth that they have so heavily supported, so they have to evict them at all costs, even if that will fatally harm Tesla in the not-so-long run.
The emperor only thought he had clothes because of the people, and Musk only has power because of these investors. But you can’t run from reality forever, and one day soon, everyone will point and laugh at the butt-naked idiotic fascist.
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Sources: Bezinga, PE&B, PE&B, The Independent, Reuters
"This is where the big institutional investors in Tesla faced a dilemma. Do they support the reports and insist Musk should leave, or do they back Musk? In other words, which do they value more: Musk or Tesla?
Almost all of them opted for Musk and backed him as CEO, which makes no sense! Just like Diddy admitting he owned enough baby oil to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool, these investors inadvertently gave their own game away. It is their ‘running into a burning building to save a houseplant’ moment. So, how do they justify their decision? What hidden truth have they let slip?"
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Uh, the investors are not wrong per se, but the reality is that without Musk at the helm, and his RDF (Reality Distortion Field the size of which would make Steve Jobs blush) Tesla would trade at BEST at a P/E of 7.
No, the board is fucked either way. No wonder why all the insiders are unloading their stock as fast as humanly possible.
Reality has a known liberal bias. Any board and any CEO with a fiduciary responsibility to shareholders would be at fault if they acted to harm the company’s value. That’s why Bezos, et al bent the knee to Trump, hoping to avoid retribution. That’s why CEOs are visiting Motel-a-Lago to bribe Trump, hoping he’ll lower tariffs that affect them. (Gov. Witmer did the same to protect Michigan’s auto workers, her constituents.) But Musk went way too far, becoming an active fascist, and now the Tesla board is, as you say, screwed either way. If I were them, I’d resign now before the shareholders start filing suits or brandishing guns.