Bezos Will Beat Musk to Mars.

That has to hurt…

New Glenn — Blue Origin

Like many of you, I don’t think billionaires should exist. It’s not migrants, the disabled, Muslims or trans people making life a pain; it’s these rich eejits doing everything they can, including trying to topple our democracies, so they can strip us of as much wealth as possible. Through this lens, the new-age private space race just looks like a painful dick-swinging competition between the worst people on planet Earth. But we can expect even worse dick-swinging to come, because Bezos’ Blue Origin has now been predicted to eventually beat Musk’s SpaceX to Mars. Grab your popcorn, because this is going to get messy!

Firstly, how has this happened?

Well, Blue Origin’s New Glenn rocket, which successfully reached orbit with a 20-tonne payload on its first test launch (take note, Elon!), is in the process of undergoing its second flight. They conducted static fire tests of its second stage way back in April, and according to Ars Technica, they are now in the final stages of preparation, with a launch in September or August looking likely.

New Glenn isn’t as large as Starship, but it is still bigger than SpaceX’s ubiquitous Falcon 9 and categorised as a heavy-launch vehicle. That means it can carry serious payloads to other celestial bodies, such as the Moon or Mars. As such, it is actually a direct competitor to Starship — except one grounded in more proven and realistic technology.

Because of this grounding and the wildly successful first test flight, Blue Origin can really swing for the fences! It’s now an open secret that this upcoming test flight will carry NASA’s ESCAPADE mission to Mars, with the mission expected to enter Martian orbit by 2027.

I wonder how SpaceX’s Mars ambitions are going.

Well, Starship has yet to deliver a payload to orbit or even make it to orbit without losing control of Starship, and this is all while carrying dummy payloads smaller than the one Blue Origin launched with New Glenn. To top all of that off, Starship 37, which was meant to be used for Starship’s tenth test flight*, exploded while being refuelled for a test fire. Not only did this destroy Starship 37, but it also significantly damaged SpaceX’s Massey facility, which is crucial to getting these rockets ready for launch.

*How is this thing not even partially working yet? It’s almost like it’s a totally flawed concept.

Starship’s tenth flight was scheduled for June 29th, but with this facility in tatters and Starship 38 still in production, it has been significantly delayed. SpaceX needs to investigate this explosion, determine a fix, implement the fix in Starship 38, repair the test facility, and then consider scheduling their tenth test flight.Realistically, Starship won’t be launched again until at least September.

And, unlike New Glenn, this test flight won’t be headed for the Red Planet. Starship has yet to reach low Earth orbit with a ten-tonne payload without catastrophic failure. In other words, Starship likely can’t carry enough fuel to take it to more distant Earth orbits, let alone Mars.

So, Blue Origin is gearing up to reach Mars as soon as possible, and SpaceX is struggling to get their rocket to even work.

To say this would be upsetting to Musk and his empire would be an understatement. Both SpaceX and Tesla have been created using the cult Musk has built around him. That’s how he hoovered up investment and sent share prices sky-high. He was meant to be the real-life Tony Stark after all. But that narrative is falling apart now due to the Cybertruck, FSD and Starship failing so publicly. Blue Origin beating Musk to Mars would be one of the last nails in the coffin of Musk’s persona. How will the public or his own investors perceive SpaceX and Tesla after such a crushing defeat?

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Sources: Ars Technica, NASA, NASA, Space.com, Will Lockett